If I knew what

If I knew what the word family meant, I would not need anything else.

I tightly hold family close to my throat but when I speak I cannot sound the words,

I am physically surrounded by my family when I’m in the comfort of my home but deep inside the pale painted yellow living room we slowly disconnect ourselves from the wall plugs,

The tiny spark of electricity that unexpectedly continues to run through the electric wires is held by bits of love,

The electromagnetic currents are so subtle that reaching the people most important to me travel distance through a telegraph,

I wrap the word family tight but is it just the idea of an illusion constructed by my perception;  

Because wrapped inside is a desire of wanting to experience one trough love support and affection,

Or do I hold each of them physically; the people I call family close to my heart?

I hold the word family close to my mouth but the heavy letters will not dilute in my saliva,

I need a supporting, loving and, affectionate family who demonstrates it to each other,

This is paramount for me because once we have reached toward it as a family, our communication will change,

 Manifesting itself into support, love and affection,

Listen and pay attention…

I am very grateful to even have a family, but why establish one and never bother to develop it?

I hold the word family very close to my thoughts as it is the only thing I have learned to say but the boundaries of engaging in one are unknown,

I have close people I live with, share and experience life side by side and because we are biologically related we call ourselves a family,

But how beneficial are people you call a family when they are just existing, sometimes just breathing, are discomforted by interaction and a lack of communication prevails,

 No support not affection, no love,

I need a family who is willing to work together through California’s unpredicted weather because the most important thing I hold tightly wrapped in my heart are the possibilities and hopes of making the word family a reality.

-Dillan Garcia